How to Coexist Peacefully and Not Kill Your Roommate

By Shaina Verma on July 17, 2017

Roommates: love them or hate them, you can’t live without them — often literally, as is the case with many college freshmen who are required to do so. For a lot of people, college is the first time they are sharing a room, are away from home, and are making important decisions by themselves. Add this to the hormonal, academic, and social stresses of any student’s first year, and you have a recipe.

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For what, pray tell? Now, this recipe could churn out the proverbial disaster, or it could end up making the best fudge brownies you’ve ever laid eyes on (that was a metaphor for a great roommate, by the way. In case it wasn’t, like, super clear. Can millennials even read?). Or it could make chicken (or tofu!) noodle soup — nice, warm, and comfortable, but not a soup you choose to eat most of the time. That is a good, harmonious roommate who is not necessarily your best friend but is someone you are able to get along with.

Both the soup and the fudge brownies are ideal partnerships, while the unmentionable disaster (celery, Brussels sprouts, vanilla hummus — the dark, seedy underbelly of foodstuffs) is something to be avoided. Read on for tips on how to avoid the celery of roommate partnerships!

1. Talk. No, seriously, open your mouth and talk to that person living in the same room as you.

The holy grail of roommate rules: communicate well and often. Start messaging before you move in, so you don’t end up with two Jacuzzis and no microwave. And by Jacuzzi I meant fridge. Of course. Obviously. I’m an adult now.

Once you’re moved in, your intellectual-but-indecipherable posters are up, and your flamingo duvet cover is perfectly arranged, keep talking. Set ground rules early on so you’re both aware of what the other person is okay with, and if they do something that either irritates you or makes you uncomfortable, talk it out ASAP. No point telling them you didn’t appreciate their midnight séances at your five-year reunion.

2. Compromise: be considerate, and know when to let something go.

So you told them you have to work at 6 a.m. on Fridays, and they’re loud coming in from a party Thursday night. If it’s one time, let it go — people make mistakes and there’s no point sweating the small stuff. If it’s a recurring thing, then it’s worth bringing it up for your long-term peace of mind.

On the other hand, if you know they have a midterm coming up, try not to host a pregame the night before — it’s common courtesy, and exam stress is catching and a total vibe-killer. Compromise is key in any relationship, especially in one where the other person not only knows where you live but also has legal access to that space. If you like to study late and they’re an early bird, just be quick and quiet when you come home and get into bed. Ask them to put in headphones if you’re trying to sleep and they’re trying to watch trailers on The YouTube (is that what it’s called?).

3. Go a little above and beyond.

In general, people appreciate kind gestures, and it’s most likely your roommate is no different. Even a teenage Tom Riddle would have appreciated the gift of an unwanted chocolate frog, poor child. While you don’t have to go out of your way to get them something, though that is a lovely thought, a small act of kindness can go a long way in keeping your relationship with your roommate as sweet and smooth as the adverts for Cadbury chocolates claim to be.

Maybe you have some extra food you give to them instead of to Becky down the hall (who also has good hair), or maybe you leave them a nice note wishing them luck for a presentation. Whatever it is, it will be highly appreciated and will not be forgotten. Also, wouldn’t you want to prevent the next Voldemort from existing?

Finally, if despite your best efforts you cannot bear to be in the same 14×14 space as this other human, talk to your RA about switching rooms. Note that this really should be a last resort, reserved for roommates who are actual corpses (that explains why the trash piled up!) or legitimate serial killers (oh, the corpse wasn’t the roommate, it was one of their victims …) or just insurmountably difficult people who refuse to compromise or be decent and thus are affecting your studies and mental health. In that case, you just dodged a Voldemort. Bless up.

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